Monday, June 30, 2008

Fuck You, I Love You, Do Something Different, Don't Ever Change.

What the fuck interweb. Why can't you provide me with endless entertainment, never shut down (gawker? Today? Down, like five times. What the hell.), and never, ever, ruin surprises on Gossip Girl. Well, not so much surprises, but scenes, costumes, kisses, and sets! Is nothing new anymore? Are we supposed to be satisfied just watching what we already knew was coming? It's the new "Aliens in Indiana Jones" we were all expecting, twist of any shitty M. Night Shamalamalon movie (after seeing The Happening I've retroactively decided they all sucked hard), the definitive "shocking ending" of any movie with too much hype. Maybe I want to be shocked for real. Maybe I would have watched Gossip Girl already without being subjected to set photots by staged paparazzi paid by the CW to boost ratings (face it douchebags, your target audience is and always will be young New Yorkers, 13-year-old girls and gays, nothing more). So what if it's going to crash and burn mid-season O.C. style? It'll still be six great episodes, and if I didn't know who got back together with who, and who gets fucked in a car, and who gets sand in their vagina I would be even MORE likely to watch and be excited about it.

Your show is out of control. If you believe the rumors (which, let's face it, we all do), your actors are all gay, your actresses are all bitches, and Ed Westwick's love of Chace Crawford's dick is only matched by his love of pure Columbian nosegold. I'm fairly sure that Taylor Momsen is actually morphing into Tinsley Mortimer (say their names out loud. Creepy, no?), and although having actual socialites on your show is cute, I'm not quite sure that Tinsley and Lydia Hearst are going to be boosting your ratings in Nebraska, Wyoming or, you know, the 98.9% of the country that they don't matter in.

However, then I think again. I think of how much joy GG brings into my life. How it used to brighten up the middle of the week for me, an oasis in my desert of physician tech charges and chemo spills, and then when it moved to Monday how it brightened the beginning of my week. How even though my difficult work schedule did not permit me to be home by 8pm, my friends would DVR the show and even wait for me to watch it (aw, guys, blush, swoon). I do love you Gossip Girl, and despite my bemoaning, I even love you, CW (unless you fuck up this 90210: Next Gen gem, then we are fucking over). So I'm going to attempt to not loathe, but revel in the leaks, and share a few of my favorites here, with you.

Uh...spoiler? Alert?

"...and I said rectum? Damn near killed 'em!"

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