In Memoriam: Sarah Palin's Presidential Aspirations 2008-2009

Requiem æternam dona eis, Domine, et lux perpetua luceat eis.

Done and done. While she may have moved on to one exclusive club, Sarah Palin has taken her name out of consideration for another. I will publicly bet my balls right here and right now (albeit on a blog no one reads) that Sarah Palin will never be President of the United States of America, not 2012, not ever.

Of course, since her national debut a myriad of reasons slowly appeared why she shouldn't be president but her resignation on Friday is definitively why she won't - no way, no how.

When you look back at Palin's political career (namely her election as Governor of Alaska until she quit) and her love of sports metaphors, it's hard not to see her as a a promising minor league baseball player gone bust. As many Republicans have insisted and Democrats have accepted - she connects with people, albeit a small and apparently shrinking segment of the population, but people nonetheless. For all the Republican attacks on Obama for being more style than substance, for being more of a celebrity than a politician, this is exactly Palin's appeal. That's not a knock on Palin, just like it shouldn't have been a knock on Obama; it's what gave her endless potential. People were excited about her.

Like a young minor leaguer batting .400 (or in Palin's case in June 2007, .930) some fans wanted to bring her up. Unfortunately, the GM of the Republican party decided to bring her up to meet an immediate need, despite having several suitable candidates. It wasn't terrible at first. In fact, she hit a homerun in her first at bat. But then she saw her first curveball (although that was really more of a softball); then she started to look over matched; and then she looked out of her league against a crafty but less than stellar veteran. Then, on November 5, 2008 Palin was sent back down to the minors.

One would have hoped that she would have used the time to hone her skills, maybe change her approach (all joking aside, a few courses in national or international politics or even a subscription to The Economist could have gone a long way to making her seem more competent - not presidential competent, but getting warmer). Instead she kept swinging for the fences, looking more and more inept. Then decided to quit Single A and go to the independent league never to return to the majors again. End lame (but apropos?) sports metaphor.

There are several reasons this decision is her political death knell. The few reasons I have noted and will discuss below can basically be grouped together as "brand damaging" or "narrative destroying". Generally speaking, branding in politics is aimed at independents because partisans will either hate you despite you curing cancer or love you despite you slaughtering a nun.

1. She is a Quitter - that's probably not an altogether fair label, but that is how it's generally being reported (you know it's bad when you're a leading Republican and Fox News is reporting you as a quitter). As some on the right have noted, lots of politicians step down to seek higher office. But for reasons that should be clear with my subsequent points, this is slightly different. While this hasn't seemed to effect her support among her base, I can't imagine independents being able to overlook this debacle.

2. Being Governor = Her Experience - that is to say, during the campaign Palin's big plus (aside from her innate ability to connect with the Republican base) was that she had executive experience. This was of course true [although somewhat laughable because a) McCain didn't have executive experience either; b) I couldn't stop imagining how Rudy Giuliani would have chortled at her had she been around for the primaries - NYC has 10x the population of Alaska; and in a similar vein c) the Town of Hempstead on Long Island is bigger in population]. Now, I'm not sure she could use the experience label without having the "quitter" label immediately thrown right back at her. In short, she'll have a hard time touting her executive experience and will probably have to avoid it; avoiding it gives her almost no leg to stand on.

It's also, perhaps paradoxically, suggesting that her experience, as Democrats had suggested (like I did above) wasn't all that impressive to begin with. For me, this was highlighted in the always disingenuous Ann Coulter's explanation of Palin's exit. In her explanation she suggests that the job is now beneath Palin. Which is probably true. But it also contains this little gem "she’s too big to be a lame-duck governor stuck dealing with fishing licenses in Anchorage right now." I don't know if even the worst liberal pundits went that far in degrading the Alaskan governorship - just cold dealing with fishing licenses.

3. It looks terrible on her resume - A lot was made of comparing McCain and Obama's resumes, particularly among Republicans. This was, of course, a good strategy for Republicans because McCain's resume was, on its face, much better than Obama's. Giuliani effectively highlighted this at the RNC. Of course, there's a lot more to getting a job than your resume, namely an interview which can often make or break you. This was one of Obama's major strengths. He handled the interview with poise and steadiness and was able to answer the tough questions.

Fast forward to Palin's future interview. What are the first questions you get asked about your job history? 1) Why did you leave this job?; and 2) what did you between this job and that job? Now, the latter question is unwritten (there's still time to cure cancer!) but the former is set in stone. Her resignation speech, that rambling, incoherent, sports metaphor laden clusterfuck was essentially her answer to that question. She basically told her potential boss she needed time to clear her mind and find herself - at age 45.

I think the really damaging thing about the speech is what she appears to be running with - that she didn't want to be a lame duck. Behold:

"And so as I thought about this announcement that I wouldn't run for re-election and what it means for Alaska, I thought about how much fun some governors have as lame ducks... travel around the state, to the Lower 48 (maybe), overseas on international trade - as so many politicians do. And then I thought - that's what's wrong - many just accept that lame duck status, hit the road, draw the paycheck, and "milk it". I'm not putting Alaska through that - I promised efficiencies and effectiveness! ? That's not how I am wired. I am not wired to operate under the same old "politics as usual." I promised that four years ago - and I meant it."

If I'm her potential boss I ask her point blank - why the fuck didn't you just finish your job? It's not like you had to travel, draw the paycheck and milk it. You could have just... done. your. job. I get that politicians generally do 'milk it' (and it's admirable she doesn't want to do that) but that doesn't mean you have to quit your fuckin' job to not do those things, just don't do them.

4. Palin being Palin - For her supporters this is a great thing - she's a maverick after all. But for her detractors and more importantly to independents, I suspect this decision looks unstable both in her choice to resign and in its clumsy execution.

Palin had promise. She's a vibrant and galvanizing figure. Among her base, she inspires the equivalent of Obamamania. The major difference between her and Obama (aside from just about every major political position) is that she hasn't been able to attract independents and pick off Liberals (the way Obama picked off several notable Republicans). For the reasons I cite above this inability is irrevocable, permanent and politically fatal.

In paradisum deducant te Angeli; in tuo adventu suscipiant te martyres, et perducant te in civitatem sanctam Ierusalem. Chorus angelorum te suscipiat, et cum Lazaro quondam paupere æternam habeas requiem.

Gotta leave that nine to five up on the shelf

134. Michael Jackson - "Off the Wall" (Epic, 1979)

This is a smooth little disco number and it prolly has my favorite intro of any MJ song. It's like a coven of party people beckoning you to party. And that ties into what I think is interesting about the lyrics, which is that "Off the Wall" is sung explicitly from the point of view not of a person about to get off work and go party, but rather from someone that parties "night and day". The singer is not a character to identify with, he's beckoning you, the regular working shmoe, to this land of debauchery and luxury. And I totally wanna go, obviously.

I'm not here to make friends

Rich at FourFour is our hero yet again. Be sure to watch until the very end.

the dead start to walk in their masquerade

135. Michael Jackson - "Thriller" (Epic, 1982)

Michael Jackson had twelve number one singles in the US and this wasn't one of them. But am I wrong in thinking that if MJ has one defining single it has to be "Thriller"? No, I'm not. Not saying it's the best (tho maybe it is), but god what an indelible mark on society at large this song is. Prisoners a'dancin' and such. Maybe it benefits from being the title track, you think? Cuz we all think of the album Thriller (cuz how can you not) and, boom, there's a single with the same name? I guess the song's pretty good though, ha. Oh, and there's a video.

Congratulations Sarah Palin

I'd like to congratulate Sarah Palin on joining an elite club - "influential Republicans". She now joins the ranks of Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity - Republicans (or conservatives, if you eschew partisan labels) who have never or no longer hold political office. Without the restraint of responsibility to constituents, influential Republicans can say whatever they want.

For example, Newt Gingrich can make patently disingenuous remarks about Obama's response to the Honduran coup. Never mind that the UN, EU, UK, France, etc. had similar responses, the only responses that matter are the dictators US citizens get riled up about. Ya know, I heard Obama also agrees with Castro and Chavez that the earth is round. Forget analysis of the situation, that would involve questions of political philosophy that weigh the appropriateness of a military coup (admittedly, a loaded term) supported by two branches of the Honduran government against a democratically elected president pushing for a suspension of term limits in a country with a constitution with no mechanism for impeachment. Instead, just (not so) subtly suggest Obama is a totalitarian dictator.

So welcome to the club Palin, with the absence of responsibility comes great power. Then again, holding elected office never really stopped you before.

There Will Be Sweat

Sooooo, we're throwing this party, y'kno? It's called There Will be Sweat and it's gonna be in our spacious loft in Bushwick on July 11th. I went ahead and made a little promo mix of some of the jams I might be playing, with the obligatory MJ, some UK Funky, some Good Ole' American House, and a few other tracks for dat ass. Check that shit out and we'll see ya at the party.

There Will Be Sweat Promo Mini-mix (mediafire link)

Tracklist:

- Michael Jackson - "Rock With You (Frankie Knuckles Remix)" (Epic, 1995)
- Tensnake - "In the End (I Want You to Cry)" (Running Back, 2009)
- Matthew Dear - "Elementary Lover (DJ Koze Remix)" (Ghostly International, 2007)
- Jazmine Sullivan - "Need U Bad (Crazy Cousinz Remix)" (Crazy Cousinz, 2009)
- Donae'o - "Party Hard" (My-ish, 2009)
- Sis - "Trompeta" (Sei Es Drum, 2008)
- Green Velvet - "The Case of the Lost Jacksters" (Relief, 2009)
- Electrik Red - "Friend Lover" (Def Jam, 2009)

You tell me I'm wrong/then you better prove you're right

136. Michael & Janet Jackson - "Scream" (Epic, 1995)

This kind of seems more like an event than an actual song but a) so what and b) listening to it again and again in these past few days it is actually a killer song, who knew. I listened to it without watching the video just now, and it struck me that without the video (during which she almost steals the show), Janet's singing isn't nearly as intense as Michael's. Which makes sense, as she didn't have two albums of paranoia behind her at this point (even on "If", it's only her speak-singing in the verses that is kinda scary, the chorus is still more-or-less Janet-style cooing).

That said, she still has my favorite moment in the song, that being the last "you try to cope with every lie they scrutinize" (yeah the lyrics kinda hard to scrutinize at times, lolz) at around 3'46, in which she takes the melody up as should pretty much be expected, but it works 100%. Really this whole super hero team up is astoundingly successful.

I'm the one that loves you, I'm the one you need

137. the Jackson 5 - "the Love You Save" (Motown, 1970)

Lyrically, the whole song hinges on Michael's first lines after the first chorus. Before them (or without them), the song is about how a girl (or girls) should be chaste, but no! You sneaky Jacksons, you, you don't want girls to save themselves period, you want them to save themselves for you! You shouldn't get with that dude, girl, cuz you'll seem kinda slutty, which totally won't happen if you get with me.

It's not that attractive of a sentiment, you know, but they're kids and, let's be serious, it's the performances and melody that are relevant here, not the lyrics. Song's like helicopter blades of sunshine.

I Want You Back

We're still kind of in shock over this MJ thing. So we decided to mourn tonight by getting real drunk, and we're gonna start our journey with this here MJ/J5 Power Hour I just made. The best minutes from 60 of Michael's songs: you know what to do with this.

Michael Jackson Power Hour (sendspace link)

Annie, are you okay?

138. Michael Jackson - "Smooth Criminal" (Epic, 1987)

I think this was my first Favorite Michael Jackson Song. I've had plenty over the years and I'm not actually sure what it is currently, but "Smooth Criminal" is def up there. When this became my first Favorite Michael Jackson Song I prolly hadn't even learned English yet (or was just learning it) and I was like four or five, so I wouldn't have known what a crescendo was anyways. It took me years to figure out what that word in the chorus was; I could've figured it out sooner, I think, but I was completely fine with just singing it phonetically. It's a very cool sounding word, whether you know what it means or not apparently. And then, well, this is one of the coolest videos ever. This is not "effortlessly cool." This obviously takes lots and lots of effort and is that much cooler for it.

OSCAR BAIT

Now that there are ten (REALLY? TEN, ACADEMY? TEN?!) Oscar nominations for Best Picture, I humbly offer you, for your early consideration, a trailer for a movie that I have not yet seen. CAT LADIES. That's right. It's a documentary about crazy fucking cat ladies. I would like to see this yesterday please.

I'd work my body to the grave for you

139. Judy Henske - "Till The Real Thing Comes Along" (High Flying Bird, Elektra, 1964)

Judy Henske studied under comedy legend Lenny Bruce, has been dubbed Queen of the Beatniks, is one of Nick Cave's biggest influences, and after a relationship with Woody Allen, largely inspired the title character in Annie Hall, but you've never heard of her. You would swear by listening to her lounge singer voice that she's capable of going a full four minutes without a single breath. Warbling a baritone and whiskey-hoarse version "Wade in the Water," she even makes god sound dangerous - and a little bit sexy, not gonna lie. Those babies dressed in red? Sexy babies? I don't know, decide for yourself. Here's Judy singing "Wade in the Water" on the 1960s show Hootenanny Circus (1960s FTW):



And then for the penultimate win, in my opinion one of the greatest lounge songs ever to be written. The payoff comes at the end, when you're not quite sure whether or not the sound coming out of her voice is pleasant, or terrifying:


Judy will be playing a one-night-only show at the Largo cafe in Los Angeles on Saturday called JUDY HENSKE: NOW WITH BOOZE! and I have never wanted to go to California so badly in my life.

Once again a case of your feet in my Nikes

140. A Tribe Called Quest - "Buggin' Out" (from the Low End Thoery album, Jive, 1991)

So I went to Q-tip's party last Friday to flyer, but obviously I ended up listening to a lot of late 80s/early 90s hip-hop over the big Santos Party House system as well. Somebody played this and two obvious things that I haven't thought about in a minute crystallized beautifully. First, some of the best Tribe songs succeed despite Q-tip's rapping. He's okay at times, y'kno, but that first verse here, well, not the best. But, second, this song still bangs real hard because of the unbelievable production, with the single-minded, mind-destroying bassline leading the charge. It just all sounds so good. The ride cymbals that come in at the beginning of Tip's verse? Perfect. The weird echo at the beginning of the chorus? Beautiful. That faint "chik" sound that's there sometimes that I'm still not sure whether it's vocals or something else? Great, mysterious, subtle, odd. Everything here makes sense while not being so obvious as to be uninteresting.

Oooooh, oooh oooh oooh

141. Rocketship - "I Love You Like the Way I Used to Do" (from the A Certain Smile, A Certain Sadness album, Slumberland Records, 1996)

I certainly wouldn't bet on any other Slumberland records appearing on this countdown, but sometimes even yr boy enjoys some sweet twee loving. The swirling guitars on this track set it apart and raise it well above the thousands of other 90s indie songs with the word "hug" in the lyrics.

Just like Ronnie sang

142. Eddie Money - "Take Me Home Tonight" (Columbia, 1986)

Forreal tho. The first billion times I heard this song I was either not paying attention or shitfaced. Only the last time (and actually only a few mornings after the last time) I belted it out at a party did I understand any of the words besides the title and "be my little baby". And you know wot? They could be complete gibberish and it wouldn't change my enjoyment of this song in the least. The titular lyric is one of the great hard rock/cheese hooks ever (Pecorino Romano hook). And it's very cool that Ronnie Spector sings the "be my little baby" part, yes. And her "oh oh oh oh"s in this song fall squarely, though I'm not sure how early, in the tradition that includes Rihanna/Dream's "eh eh eh"s.

Also, the ladder in the video. Is it there to help construct the set in the show or just so Eddie can leave his sax (somewhat precariously) hanging on it? Or is it there to take me to heaven, just like the chorus of this song? Probably not that last one, as we can see the top of it, but a boy can dream.

All night long

AY, have yourself a nice, relaxed half-hour of slooow, lush disco with this mix by YMD friends (and favs) Team Rojas.

Team Rojas - Before We Meet mix (zshare)

Two times

143. the Fugees - "Killing Me Softly" (Ruffhouse/Columbia, 1996)

If there's an idea I believe in wholeheartedly (and there might or might not be), it's context. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Maciej, that's stupid, how could one not believe in context, what would that even mean?" Yeah, I'm kind of being a dummy, let me start over.

It's not that I didn't like this song before this weekend, but I definitely ranked it no higher than third on any given list of Fugees singles. And then Friday I was in the basement of the Annex of all places and in between passing out flyers I sat down to have a quick beer and this jam came on and, in the red-lighted basement with a bunch of ladies and fellas singing it out loud. And suddenly there it was and the minimalism and Lauryn's voice made more sense than ever before.

So I guess what I mean is that I believe very strongly in the transformative power of an unexpected context on an already familiar piece of art. Kthxbye.

Bourgy Awards Go

The fine folks at Bourgy have unleashed their Bourgy Awards, and if you love VH1 Reality as much as we do here at YMD, you prolly wanna go over and put in your two cents. So far, the above-pictured Ashley, she of the hilarious Kenyon Martinesque neck lips is, deservedly, doing quite well. She just has to get her own show eventually, right?

This is also an excuse to finally post the best animated GIF ever, which I found on Bougy a while ago and might as well be entitled "Appropriate Reaction to Boobs". Go on, Ray J.

Come over here, baby, and talk in the mic

144. Pulp - "This is Hardcore" (Island Records, 1998)

Let's not get all theoretical on a Friday, huh? Let's have a few beers. But seriously in this tale Young Jarvis (to differentiate the narrator from the author, y'see) imagines directing/starring in a little sex film with an actress he saw in some pictures back in the day (b-movies and genre pics, if the video is anything to go by, although, let's face it, I'd rather call them Pulp films at this point). So on the critical level, the song and video reinforce the idea that genre films (noirs, thrillers, musicals even) act most directly and viscerally on our psyche by extending the line from dem to pornography. On another level, it's just a damn sexy song. Also, the way Jarvis sings "I like your get up if you know what I mean" kills.

Gimme one drink

145. the Rolling Stones - "Loving Cup" (from the Exile on Main St. album, Rolling Stones Records/Atlantic, 1972)

Out of my by no means expansive cooking repertoire, I'll def take these chicken tacos to double down on.

Ok, so start off by pre-heating your oven to 450 and getting two bone-in, skin-on chicken breasts onto a roasting pan or a rimmed baking sheet or whatevs. Cover them with olive oil and season with salt and pepper and stick them in that oven. They'll roast for a while, depending on their size, I dunno, I'm not good with looking at the clock and such. They'll be golden on the outside and white all the way through. Now, you never like to cut into meat while it's cooking, but to be honest this thing is gonna have a sauce, so if some of the juices run out it's not the end of the world, cut in if you really need to check.

But yeah, while the breasts are in the oven, you wanna melt a few tbsps of butter in a frying pan over medium-low heat and throw a chopped onion into it. Cook the onions until they're soft and then throw in 2/3 (or, I dunno, 5/7) of a big old can of chopped tomatoes (with the juice) and two chopped chipotle peppers with a bit of the adobo sauce they come oh so conveniently packed in. Stir together, season with salt and pepper and cook on low until the chicken is almost ready.

When the chicken is ready, take it out of the oven and let it rest for a few minutes while you get two forks out. Skin the breasts and get to shredding. Just get your forks in and pull them apart with the grain. This'll take a few minutes.

Just before you're ready to put the chicken in the sauce, throw into the sauce a little heavy cream. Basically you want the sauce to drop a shade, but still be recognizably red. Richness, yo. When that looks good, throw all the shredded chicken into the sauce and mix it together and voila.

Now, for the tortillas (corn fa sho). You can warm them up in the oven, that usually works fine for me. Obvi, you can also fry them as is traditional, but if you choose to do that, be sure to get the oil (a neutral oil is best, corn oil for example) real, real hot, so you can cook the tortillas for just a few seconds on each side and not just have them soaking, absorbing all the oil.

But yeah, put the chicken on the tortillas (kitchen tongs!) and enjoy, shit's real tasty.

EDIT: Ay, double up on the tortillas btw, and depending on breast size (the chicken's, not yrs) and how much you stuff yr tacos this should produce like 8-13 of them)