Monday, February 15, 2010

Cinema Shitaliano

- You might think this screen cap is unflattering towards Penelope Cruz, but I swear it's no more unflattering out of context than it is in the scene I grabbed it from. Rob Marshall's Nine throws a bunch of very talented actors (and Kate Hudson and Fergie) into a creatively dead, ugly, boring movie and watches them try not to drown in a boring, misguided mess. Cruz actually does an admirable job once she starts acting, but before that happens the viewer is forced to sit through the above scene, in which she does a completely embarrassing SEXXY burlesque routine while singing a forgettable song.

- I can't decide whether Kate Hudson's "Cinema Italiano" scene is better or worse. With Penelope I was crying inside for this obviously talented actress trying to perform through a terrible costume and set; with Hudson at least I wasn't too troubled by her suffering. Kudos on casting Kate Hudson as a vapid, one-dimensional American blonde, I guess?

- I'd wager Marion Cotillard would be sitting on Cruz' Oscar nom right now if Harvey Weinstein hadn't gotten greedy and tried to run her as Best Actress (especially once it became apparent that people didn't like this movie). Besides her character having the most Oscar-y role and scenes, she's actually really great as Guido's wife. It's really impressive how much genuine emotion she gets from this material.

- DDL is just stuck here. His accent is silly, his mannerisms add very little, and I couldn't make myself give a shit about anything his character did.

- Fergie is well cast as what is essentially a monster.

- Nicole Kidman has nothing to do here.

- Sophia Loren has nothing to do either. She's just her because she's Sophia Loren.

- Judi Dench could do all of this in her sleep.

- How the hell does a musical based on 8 1/2 not have more interesting set pieces?

- Aside from very admirable performances from Cotillard and Cruz, this movie is exactly as worthless as you'd think.

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