FUCK 2009

UPDATE: This has been settled, don't lose any sleep over whether or not I was able to watch Miley's New Years special. I did, and it was awesome.

THIS article has potentially ruined the upcoming year for me. Time Warner Cable (the company to which I subscribe, and occasionally pay the bill for) is unwilling to negotiate with mega-carrier Viacom who wants a pay increase for the channels they provide, and the cable company which serves New York City may lose the channels at 12:01am tomorrow if they do not come to an agreement by then. Viacom is claiming that Time Warner does not "appreciate" their many channels, and that TW's proposed increase was "pittance." Time Warner bitchily retorted that they "sympathize with the fact that Viacom's advertising business is suffering and that their networks' ratings have largely been declining. However, we can't abide their attempt to make up their lost revenue on the backs of Time Warner Cable customers." What channels do they provide, you might ask?


MTV on which I personally enjoy such fine programming as The Hills, Bromance, The City, A Shot At Love With the Ikki Twins (yeah, what of it?), and GOD HELP THEM if they interrupt my scheduled taping of A Miley Sized Surprise New Years Bash.


VH1 where I can find Charm School: Rock Of Love Girls, sometimes A Real Chance at Love if I'm bored enough, Celebrity Rehab, and the upcoming Rock of Love Bus. ROCK OF LOVE. ON A FUCKING BUS. Plus endless beautiful marathons of America's Next Top Model. And yes,


Comedy Central. I'm between the ages of 18-35, I enjoy The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, The Sarah Silverman Sometimes Hilarious Yet Often Unfunny Show and Roasts of various celebrities.

Television is important to me, it's important to my friends. Shitty programming is a calming and well needed interlude to the hectic work week, and I'm afraid of what would happen if we were denied that experience. Depression would ensue. Riots would break out in the streets. I might have to take up woodworking, clogging, crocheting, miniature-ship-bottling or whatever the hell people who don't watch television do. A friend astutely pointed out to me that Whitney Port should be an inalienable right of every American, and I could not agree more. This will not stand. WORK IT OUT. I don't even know what a Miley Sized Surprise IS yet, and I intend to find out tomorrow morning.