College is officially over.

Matty just texted me the worst news I've heard since I found out a lot of people like the Fleet Foxes. Amidst pressure from legislators around the country, the yellow-bellied (and no longer orange-tounged) cowards at MillerCoors are taking the caffeine out of everyone's favorite Friday night pick-me-up, the mighty Sparks, thus rendering the Sweet Tart flavored malt beverage completely useless.

I know that everybody involved here means well (and by "means well" I mean "thinks this will make them look good"), but do you know what you idiots are doing to us kids who don't like putting things in our nose and drank Sparks for a little burst of energy every so often (or all through the night, as the case may be)? No, we're not gonna start doing cocaine (no one can afford that anymore), but a little birdie told me Crystal Meth is coming back in a big way, and this is just another step towards armies of meth'd out zombies scratching themselves over the Williamsburg Bridge. I dunno how you can sleep at night, MillerCoors bigwigs (prolly a lot easier than me though, because I'm still Sparks'd up for the moment!).