Wednesday, February 18, 2009


Cinematography has always been one of my favorite categories at the Academy Awards. No, really. Ever since I saw Silence of the Lambs and decided that Tak Fujimoto was my favorite cinematographer. Half because I thought the movie was shot beautifully and half because I thought saying "Tak Fujimoto is my favorite cinematographer" made me sound really cool, and not like the pretentious 14 year old douchebag that I so clearly was. On that painfully humiliating note, here are the nominees for BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY:

The Changeling - Tom Stern
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Claudio Miranda
The Dark Knight - Wally Pfister
The Reader - Chris Menges & Roger Deakins
Slumdog Millionaire - Anthony Dod Mantle

Who should win:
First and foremost, Roger Deakins WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK, MAN? Fargo, No Country For Old Men, House of Sand and Fog and even this years' Revolutionary Road were all beautifully photographed and even award worthy but The Reader? Granted, the cinematography was not the worst part of that disaster but Mr. Deakins' second credit of the year was for Doubt, for which he should probably never work again. I'm planning on sending my chiropractic bills to one Roger Deakins soon for the extreme neck craning I suffered through while Meryl Streep yelled about babyraping. So yeah, not The Reader. Also not Forrest Button because even though its one redeeming feature was that it was real pretty, it still sucked a flaming pile of dogshit, and we need to move on a pretend that it was never made. Not the changeling, although it did look gorgeous I'm pretty sure that was all Clint, so no award for you Tom Stern! UGH, SLUMDOG, WHATEVER, GO AWAY. So actually, I'm going to go with the visual orgasm of The Dark Knight. I was really starting to think that it was going to be the most overrated movie ever made, but then people chilled the fuck out, and I can once again step back, and give it what it deserves. This award. Not others ones. But yes, cinematography.

Who will win:

Who got snubbed:
Milk, Ballast, and most of all 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 (motherfucking)Days.

I have no funny stories about this category, knowing an art director's name would just make me a loser. Fuck. I just remembered Dante Ferretti was the production designer for Titus. Why am I writing this in a public forum?

And the nominees are...

The Changeling
The Curious Case of Why We Haven't Stopped Saying This Movie's Name Out Loud
The Dark Knight
The Duchess
Revolutionary Road

Who should win:
Duchess is a place you go to get french fries when you're stoned, not an Academy Award winning film, let's just get that straight, so no way on that one. And this is where I draw the line with Dark Knight soooo, yea, no. No to Buttonfuck, obvi, and Changeling was just I guess? Revolutionary? Road? Wow, I surprised myself there.

Who will win:
Slumdog? Ohhh, I don't know. I guess this is the category Button is taking. Oy.

Who was snubbed?
Milk, goddamnit.

OhmygodIdon'twanttowritethisohmygodohmygod FINE

The Curious Case of Mr. Button's Wonder Emporium
Iron Man
The Dark Knight

Should, Will:
Benji Sucks Butts. If it was all about the truck flipping scene in Dark Knight, I'd go for that, and Iron Man although great, wasn't really anything that spectacular. So fine. THEN WE WILL STOP TALKING ABOUT IT FOREVER.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. Del Toro 4 Lyfe, bitchez.

That was exhausting, see you tomorrow. Matt out.


Certified Matt said...

Big ups to Connecticut-region-specific fast food chains. Playing Street Fighter II at the Sand Hill Plaza Duchess circa 1992 is a more satisfying cinematic experience than anything involving Natalie Portman and pancake makeup.

Maciej said...

That's the wrong actress-who-looks-like-Natalie-Portman, homie. It's the British one.

(Tho I'd imagine the Street Fighter 2 would also be more enjoyable than the Other Boleyn Girl).

Certified Matt said...

Well, isn't this embarrassing? In my defense, I had to let my fact-checker go due to the economic unpleasantness. Also, I'm an idiot.