Feel The Rain On Your Mustache

Rich pointed this out to me, actually several times, and I didn't really pay much attention to it. I guess I thought it was bad lighting (it's been known to happen), or maybe a bad reaction to her hormone therapy. But seriously, it's there, it's bad, it's thick, and it's bushy.



I KNOW, RIGHT?! I was just as shocked. It's also an impressive realization and it almost makes me want to go back and have a Laguna marathon just to see if this stache has always existed. But did a quick google search for Lauren Conrad Mustache and lots came up! One blog even refers to her only as Mustache Baby. I don't mean to be unusually cruel, but seriously girl, even Kelly Cutrone has her facial hair situation under control, and let's be honest, if anyone on The Hills was to rock that look, it'd be that bitch.



Yeah, that's right.



OK I feel bad about myself now. I'm going to bed.

You're not alone!

273. David Bowie - "Rock and Roll Suicide" (RCA Victor, 1974)

So this is Ziggy's (not Bowie's, mind you) letter to his future self, and it's brilliant and anthemic and interesting and we love it.

A lil' spot where young men and young women go to experience dey first lil' taste of the nightlife

274. Outkast - "SpottieOttieDopalicious" (from the Aquemini LP LaFace Records, 1998)

Aquemini is one of the best rap records ever. That said, this isn't really a rap song, per se. But while I've complained in the past and still complain constantly that I wish Andre would go back to doing rap songs, this shit is soooo immaculate, and it highlights both Dre and Big Boi's narrative abilities to the fullest. And that horn part makes me want to sink completely into a couch or the seat of a Caddy or Oldsmobile or whatever in the best way possible.

(When You Wake) You're Still in a Dream

So we went to the Roseland for the big My Bloody Valentine to do last nite, earplugs in hand, and it was pretty much the greatest thing ever as advertised, some parts of it almost overwhelmingly so. I ended up taking my earplugs out for a good bit of it, because while I value my hearing, I really do, I just couldn't bear not hearing every single bit of noise. I mean, My Bloody fucking Valentine!

"Only Shallow," I swear, if I had any more stimulation I would've exploded. "Soon" was similarly wonderful. And then, the much-vaunted "You Made Me Realize" holocaust section. For real tho, it sounded like a nuclear explosion stretched out for over ten minutes, and then when I took my earplugs out for a second it sounded like that plus a billion people shrieking. Me and Conor both thought of the above-pictured scene from Raiders. It was beautiful.

Madame Butterfly let me in your house of pleasure

275. Camp Lo - "Luchini (This Is It)" (Profile Records, 1996)

These lyrics barely make sense at all, from a narrative point of view. They're almost completely impressionistic, but man do they give off the hepcat 70s vibe Camp Lo is going for real well. Of course, even if they weren't so great the beat would still be one of the best beats of its decade/genre/whatevs. Super funk.

I'm giving you the power to rearrange

276. Germs - "Lexicon Devil" (from the (GI) LP, Slash Records, 1979)

"Lexicon Devil" is, as best as I can make out, a song about a young man who wants to rearrange the world through, in addition to the good old methods of violence, the ability to fuck with words and language and therefore destroy the traditional systems of control. And, you know, the guitar riff and vocals aren't half bad either.

Studio Lighting...

...can be a bitch. Trust me, I just took a class on it. Word to the wise: if you ever become famous, don't sit for a photographer if you're unsure of how you'll be seen by them. As we learned in class, sometimes the light doesn't just compliment the image, it becomes the image. You can make people look flawless by lighting them with a huge soft light, you can make them look demonic by lighting them from below, and with some careful positioning, hard lighting and shadowing, you can reveal every nook, cranny and pore. This picture has not been retouched:




[Fun outtakes with some photoshop.]

Any Other Girl

277. Nu - "Any Other Girl" (Bustin' Loose, 2004)

I think this song is only even remotely famous (and again, remotely) for being on the soundtrack to American Pie: the Wedding, which personally I'm not even sure I would know existed if not for this song.

I think (and you know how I love setting up strawmen) this is some of that ole' disposable pop music people always talk about. Nu only released one album, but this song has stuck with me since I first heard it on Fluxblog some time in high school. I forget it every few months and then hear it and have it stuck in my head for another few months. It's really gr8.

Anyways, we back forreals. Keep an eye on this. Lotsa music coming.

Everything should be gone by now

278. the Autumn Rhythm - "Still There" (from the Autumn Rhythm EP, 2001(?))

There's a version of this song on the Autumn Rhythm's Secret Songs LP from 2003, but I have this version from their s/t EP which I can't find any info on anywhere on the internet. The one from Secret Songs is mostly the same, but adds some drums and changes the vocals a touch. I'd imagine our scientists just like this one better because they heard it earlier and I agree. Anyway, I'm not sure what the Autumn Rhythm are doing these days, but I really hope Gossip Girl or a shitty Zach Braff movie or something makes an unusually adept choice and picks this song up and makes them a lot of money someday. It's one of the most gorgeously sad songs I own, perfect for 5 in the morning when ya have the feeling something just ain't right.

7 Things About The VMAs

Because if you didn't see it, you don't need to. And I couldn't even think of ten. So seven it is. And because "7 Things" is what Miley Cyrus did NOT PERFORM, thanks a lot MTV, once again...FOR NOTHING.

1. TI, Rihanna, do me. Please.

If this song isn't the biggest hit since "Love In The Club," there is no god, and American's have even less taste than I thought.

2. The Jonas Brothers suck way more than I thought they did. Watching them perform on what looked like the Sesame Street set was more than fitting, except I'm pretty sure (read: absolutely positive) that their song "Love Bug" is about AIDS. Read the lyrics here.

3. Zac Effron need to die, and I'm serious this time.

The makeup, the awkward facial hair, that stare, MAKE IT GO AWAY. Does not want. And take your beard with you too, she bores me.

4. I am so out of touch with pop culture.

Tokio Hotel fever has apparently spread to this fine country of ours, and I for one, am vehemently opposed to it. I like my androgyny free of emopoppunk, free of screaming tweens, and preferably in the 1970s. NO. Also:

5. Lauren Conrad and Chace Crawford need to bang. While Ed Westwick watches.

6. Jordan Sparks (ha! I had to look that up, I totally thought it was Sparxx, as in Bubba) defended the honor of aforementioned Jonas Brothers, who became the the object of jabs due to their wearing of purity rings. "Not everyone wants to be a slut," Sparks proclaimed. Shut up Jordan. "No Air," albeit awesome, may be the extent of your fame, let's not push it.

You looked good though, props, and to your credit, none of the jokes about their virginity were funny, but still. Shut up.

7. Britney, I can't believe that you skinned a golden retriever and wore it on your head, for shame.

Let's turn back the clock...

So, it's 1989, you've just been defrauded out of a whole bunch of money, you're prolly kinda pissed. Why should you be mad at John McCain and completely incredulous at the idea that in 20 years he might be an actual candidate for the office of King of America? Let Pulitzer Prize winner Tom Fitzpatrick tell you a story.

Awk.

This robot is still talking. She's talking about American being a car? And John McCain driving it? But adds, "I've always thought it was a good idea to have a woman's hand on the wheel as well." Oh, she's talking about Palin. So we've got three hands on the wheel, driving across a bridge to nowhere, while this trollop gives the driver road head. Awesome.

Wait, wait Cindy...what is in your box??

Fuck everything.

"Fuck."


AND AT WHAT TIME TODAY DO WE THINK THIS TATTOO WAS MADE?

Fuck this, I'm drinking alone.

beauty beauty beauty

279. Aphex Twin - "Girl/Boy Song" (from Richard D. James Album LP, Warp Records, 1996)

Nothing remotely interesting or non-corny to say about this, sorry. It's astonishing. It's like beauty raining on you.

(note: "Girl/Boy Song" is the first five minutes or so of the below iMeem)

I felt the need to trivialize anything I say here outside of the Lohan family with a silly graphic, just so we're all clear. But seriously, Vogue has got me real pissed. First, they sent a 40,000 page magazine to my apartment, sans provocation or reason, which takes up the entirety of my tiny mailbox. I say, "Hey, what the hell, I'll look at it. Anna Wintour's hair always makes me laugh, maybe her magazine will do the same!" NOT SO. After hundreds upon hundreds of pages of ads (cliche or no, this still angered me) I came across a measly few boring articles. It irritated me that I spent so long wasting so much energy in merely holding up the magazine for only the tiniest of payoffs (and none of that hilarious Wintour to crack me up), but it wasn't offensive. No, that payoff didn't arrive until I started reading about "Vogue's India," a spread of "average Indian people" modeling the latest designer duds. Take a look at this baby, held by an toothless Indian woman, sporting a Fendi bib:


Retail price: $115

Or take a look at this man holding a Burberry umbrella that retails for $400:


What offends me, and yes, so many others about this spread isn't just that they're throwing objects of Western dominance into the hands of the oppressed, but they're not even giving their models credit, instead they are referred to as "man," "woman," and "baby." The Daily Mail's Kanika Gahlaut denounced the spread in an interview with the New York Times as "not just tacky, but downright distasteful," and pointed out that thousands of farmers take their own lives every year because of desperation over debt. The World Bank reported last week that over 456 million Indians are living off of less than $1.25 a day, and Vogue is putting Fendi bibs on their babies to...raise awareness on poverty?

Vogue India editor Priya Tanna responded to critics by saying "Lighten up," and that Vogue "is about the power of fashion...Fashion is no longer a rich man’s privilege. Anyone can carry it off and make it look beautiful...You have to remember with fashion, you can’t take it that seriously." Really Ms. Tanna? I see your point. Fashion is stupid. Poor people can be pretty sometimes. Why should fashion try to concern itself with the wealth of the world? But I still hope that Andre Tally bitch slaps you for that last part.