Poppin bottles with top models

At least once every few months, it helps to watch Lisa D'Amato's "Ace of Spades" video, possibly the most retarded ANTM-related thing ever (and amazingly, something that has nothing to do with Tyra). After that apertif (which, if it were an apertif, would be some horrible concoction of midori, Jaeger, and 151 that would ruin not only your appetite, but also your life), we proceed to the meal at hand. Hope you're hungry for stats and me commenting on an episode which, again, I barely remember.



Ranking This Week(Ranking last week). Model Name (rankings in the last 4 episodes), bold for bottom 2), [average ranking overall]

1(1). Nicole - (4, 5, 1, 2) [2.86]
The Cover Girl commercial shoot hasn't ever been particularly strong in predicting the winner, but I think the fact that Nicole is portrayed on this show as socially inept and still managed to place second here should definitely work in her favor. Here's to hoping some stress this week makes her bloody eyeball act up again (and she still wins).

2(2). Britney - (1, 2, 3, 3) [4.57]
Brit represents one of the biggest disparities in recent Top Model history between what the judges see when they look at a girl and what my friends and I see. The judges make the choices obvi, so I'm gonna keep her here, but zzzzzzzzzzzzz. (those stand for "Zounds! She's boring!").

3(6). Jennifer - (2, 3, 5, 1) [3.57]
Good for her, but this isn't Top Scallop Commercial Spokesperson, this is Top Model. So, we'll see.

4(3). Erin - (5, 7, 4, 6) [4.57]
Cover Girl commercial, Shmover Shmirl shmommercial. Aaight, so she actually hasn't been doing that well lately and I think the white eyebrows might be catching up to her, but I still think Erin has hella potential and would be surprised if she didn't bounce back this wekk.

5(4). Laura - (6, 4, 2, 5) [5.14]
Look, I'm not saying that being able to read well and quickly isn't useful as far as being a model goes. But on the list of Professions Made Much More Difficult by Dyslexia, where do you think model ranks? Not that I expect Tyra and co. to not make an issue out of one of the contestants' learning disorders, I'm just sayin', she'll prolly be okay.

6(7). Sundai - (7, 6, 7, 4) [6.71]
It'll take Sundai taking this computer from me and editing a post for her to not be on the bottom of this list, and I'm 6'1, so I can def just hold it high in the air while she jumps and flails at it wildly, never to reach it.

Yawannabeontop

God dammit, I don't even know anymore. The show is helping me out tremendously by just eliminating whoever was in the bottom two in the last episode, but will I have any clue who's gonna win this once Sundai goes? Nope, not a chance.



Ranking This Week(Ranking last week). Model Name (rankings in the last 4 episodes), bold for bottom 2), [average ranking overall]

1(4). Nicole - (2, 4, 5, 1) [3.00]
Why did I ever doubt it?

2(1). Britney - (10, 1, 2, 3) [4.83]
Umm, I mean, she's good and everything, but is it just me, or are all three of these poses more or less the same pose? Still towards the top, but not as sure as I was last week.

3(3). Erin - (3, 5, 7, 4) [4.33]
Her willingness to throw herself upside down with abandon made her even more likeable.

4(5). Laura - (7, 6, 4, 2) [5.17]
I'm trying to not let my excitement about Laura being potentially great not get the best of me and moving her up the chart slowly. This might be too personal of a measure for this highly scientific endeavor but it'll have to do. If Laura is top 3 next week she moves up into our top 3, I promise.

5(2). Rae - (9, 3, 1, 6) [4.67]
I really should do this closer to the episodes so that I can remember the criticisms they give these ladies. But she couldn't have done that well ranked sixth, right? So back to five she goes.

6(6). Jennifer - (5, 2, 3, 5) [4.00]
With the elimination of Kara, Jennifer suddenly has the wonkiest eye in the competition again.

7(7). Sundai - (4, 7, 6, 7) [7.17]
Hanging. On. Arms. Not. Long enough.

Very Belated PWRRNKNGS/QSTNS (that's QueSTioNS)/NSWRS

Y'know, they heard I had a good thing going with these power rankings, and decided to fuck up my stats by giving out first place for best photo. So despite the fact that Jennifer doesn't deserve it, I'm gonna give Rae a 1st, Britney a 2nd, and Jennifer a 3rd based on how much they liked their pictures. Man did Lil' Mama make Tyra and the Jays and co. sound almost relatively insightful on this, huh?



Ranking This Week(Ranking last week). Model Name (rankings in the last 4 episodes), bold for bottom 2), [average ranking overall]

1(4). Britney - (2, 10, 1, 2) [5.20]
Have I ever been less certain about putting someone at number one here?

2(5). Rae - (8, 9, 3, 1) [4.40]
Do you think they're bring up the rape again? If they do will you assume she's a lock to win that one or get sent home? (I'd assume win, she's quite good)

3(1). Erin - (1, 3, 5, 7) [4.40]
Who was the last ANTM girl to be so lovably hateful?

4(2). Nicole - (4, 2, 4, 5) [3.40]
If an eyeball bleeds in the forest, can anyone hear you scream? Do I know how nonsensical that is? (yes)

5(6). Laura - (3, 7, 6, 4) [5.80]
How quickly will she climb to the top 3 if she can do well again this week? (very)

6(3). Jennifer - (6, 5, 2, 3) [3.80]
How can you kill something in a negative way? (by taking a series of bad photos, obvi)

7(8). Sundai - (7, 4, 7, 6) [6.20]
How can you get praised to high heaven and still get your picture behind Nicole who got Tyra shat on a bunch? (by being 2 feet tall)

8(7). Kara - (5, 1, 8, 8) [6.40]
How did thinking about Kara just now give me a stomach ache? (I don't mean anything by that, seriously, I just thought about what to write for here and bam, pain)

Sheeeee's Baaaaaack

In case you forgot (like I did until Matty reminded me this morning) or just didn't know because you don't watch the CW and this doesn't get advertised anywhere else, the short people cycle of Top Model starts tonight. Here's this season's graphic:

Ican'twaitIcan'twaitIcan'twaitIcan'twaitIcan'twaitIcan'twait. First guesses at who's taking it home tomorrow or Friday.